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Bubbles, Wine Education

How to saber bubbles (and generally look badass).

Ever dreamed of winning friends and impressing thousands with one simple act? The vision of you being thrown onto the shoulders of loved ones and strangers alike, all shouting your name and cheering? We want to teach you a trick that just might help. Resolve to be hard core this year by learning how to master the art of sabering sparkling.

Sabrage, an awesome vocab word they never put in my GRE flashcards, dates back to Napoleanic times when the soldiers wouldn’t have the dexterity to open a bottle while riding a horse back to their bases. They would pull out their sword and have at it in order to celebrate (or mourn) the battle outcome. Nowadays, it is merely a tactic to impress friends, out-cool your colleagues or get laid (good luck with that).

First and foremost: Saber at your OWN risk. This is potentially very dangerous and could put out more than an eye if done incorrectly. It is only for the very courageous.

You will need:

  • A very, very cold bottle of bubbles (go cheap while practicing); do not freeze the bottle. Just don’t let it sit out for long.
  • A saber or butcher’s knife. We will be using the dull side of the knife. This is about pressure, not actually cutting the glass with a sharp knife.
  • Protective eyewear if you are smart and don’t care about people pointing and laughing at you.
  • A place outside that you can launch a cork thousands of miles per hour.
  • Lack of a conscience, as you might take out a small family of birds in the process.

Okay, here we go.

Step 1: Remove the foil entirely, you need a clean edge to slide the blade.

Step 2: Remove the cage, sure to keep the bottle ALWAYS pointed away from you and your audience, who should stay behind you at all times, we don’t want you to blind anyone or, God forbid, behead someone by accident with your blade.

Step 3: Find the most dominant vertical seam in the bottle. This is the vulnerable point.

Step 4: Hold at a 45degree angle and note the little rim, that will be where you want to hit the bottle with the dull side of the knife.

Step 5: You want to do this in one forward follow through motion. Just hit that point with little force and follow through.

Step 6: Before attempting any of this, watch some YouTube videos for motivation and visual aids.

Step 7: Enjoy being a total badass.

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About mistralwine1982

Originally from Wisconsin, I moved to Colorado in 2005 in order to get closer to the mountains and rock climb. When it occurred to me that I would never make money with that hobby, I went to grad school. I received a masters in English and American Literature from New York University in May of 2009. I have since then opted not to pursue a PhD, for studying and writing about wine is far more fascinating (well, perhaps not moreso than Virginia Woolf, but still… for the long haul?). My favorite wines come from the old world, especially the Rhone, Burgundy, Rioja, Piedmont, and Tuscany. I am also smitten with roses, Italian hard-to-pronounce white varietals, and dessert wines from around the world. By day I run a wine shop. By nite, I sip and tell. It’s rough… but someone must do this.

Discussion

2 thoughts on “How to saber bubbles (and generally look badass).

  1. Just a rumor going around the wine country, but I hear it can be done with an ipad.

    Posted by Tom Ferrell | 12/31/2011, 2:51 pm

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